a millennial’s manifesto toward criticism

Everything below is fictional. If it reads too close to real life, well, you’re reading it too closely.

• You consider yourself incredibly allergic to criticism. When you’ve already received enough at home, why would you want more from the outside world? Talk about a millennial big baby. (And yes, you de-capitalize every first word in your title because it seems Gen-Z cool and less prone to criticism.)

• Your earliest memory of criticism at home is from your dad, who said your math skills were seriously below average for a primary schooler. So he stayed up with you all night to work on subtraction homework, and by the end, you’re not sure what got subtracted, his hair or your tears.

• Your earliest memory of criticism at work is when a co-worker commented that you have a hard time accepting criticism. It was hard to accept that criticism, especially knowing she was about to become your boss. You just knew your margin toward “Employee of the Month” had slid back a few more inches.

• In most of your adulthood, criticism never ends well. It always leaves a burn with no real resolution. You’re so afraid of it that your main tactic becomes avoidance. Avoid those who criticize you, and you’ll be okay. Quit the job to skip the first performance review meeting. Break up with the boyfriend to dodge the hard conversation. Release that pet snail to nature because it’ll die eventually.

• Avoid doing the hard thing by doing it half-assed. Avoid real work by doomscrolling on social media. Avoid being an adult because of the price you have to pay to grow up.

• Luckily, your country, in general, also has a hard time hearing criticism, let alone accepting it. If you’re from there, you can doubt, but don’t blast it out to outsiders. If you’re not from there, your criticism isn’t welcome upon entry. You can test the margins of doubt, but that’s your choice.

• It’s also a country that defines its enemies through their refusal to apologize for something horrible they once did. Maybe it runs in the blood: the two brothers from the same lineage. And yes, the things were horrible, historically, world-record horrible.

• The internet, too, is obsessed with apologies. If you’ve done something wrong, you must say sorry. And if your apology doesn’t sound sincere, well, sorry to say, you are wrong and you’re canceled. So think about the price before you speak. Avoidance, if you think about it, IS a survival technique.

• Has AI also made you more allergic to criticism? Afraid of grammatical mistakes, you type into AI for proofreading. Too tired to revise an email, you ask AI to organize your thoughts. Don’t know how to respond to a friend’s problem? AI’s got you covered. You nurtured it to become a digital helicopter parent, shielding you from the world’s dangers. Bulletproof against criticism. You’re perfect. AI perfect.

• You wonder if your relationship with your parents and homeland and the general internet have shaped this allergy to criticism. But that’s a question to be discussed in a safe space. Note to self: discuss the source of fear of criticism with therapist on Wednesday night.

• You miss kindergarten when receiving criticism meant you could just start a fight during recess. “Bring it on, let’s see what you got,” you said in your best mean-girl pose, fist raised toward her pretty face. She mostly went for your ponytail instead, it hurt like hell. In the end, you cried in each other’s arms, promised never to badmouth each other again, and swore to stand by one another in times of crisis. That was your first makeup after receiving criticism. The last, too.